VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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