Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
