Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
