Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
