Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize