Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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