I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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