the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry about my life...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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