At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize