You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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