i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
