just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize