there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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