did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
