we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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