I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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