ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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