dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to make out with him forever
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize