Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
