You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
