am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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