he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
