Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
