I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
