making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
