Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
