i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize