So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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