the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
