just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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