Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
