I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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