so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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