o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
