hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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