my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
