I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
