Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
