Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
