Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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