Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
