OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
