I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize