I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My pussy is not your playground.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
