she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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