we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
accomplished twins. life is a go
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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