I should be sponsored by Trojan
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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