k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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