I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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