What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
