Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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