I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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