My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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