8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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