I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
