The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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