You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
