If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
