Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
