in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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