Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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