hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You dont lie about slip and slides
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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