Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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