Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
