We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
