just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
