I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
