Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
