he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
