i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
