I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
