Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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