Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
