i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sarcasm needs its own font
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
