Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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