Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize