just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
