you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Enjoy the penises
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
