I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
