Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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