I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
