I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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