Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
