Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
