please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
