my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
