there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
