6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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