You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
