Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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