I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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