my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
