You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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