yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
