3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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