There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
